Having kids is hard

Yes. Having kids is hard. I have always wanted to be a mother. In fact, when I was in kindergarten, there was a survey done of our class, and everyone was asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was the only one who said I wanted to be a mom.
But I think that, no matter what, having kids is hard. Whether it's the conception, the pregnancy, the birth, or the baby, having kids is hard. I don't think that I know a single woman who has had a blissful experience with all of those parts. For me, the hardest part is getting pregnant. If you know me, you know that I have to have my kids with the help of IVF (in-vitro fertilization). We have been EXTREMELY lucky to have a child with both of the previous IVF cycles we've done.
But we are not quite as lucky with this one. I had the most medicine that could be fathomed to put in the shots. I had shots every night, and blood tests and ultrasounds nearly every day as well. We felt like it was all going very well! We were able to do everything in Idaho Falls, which was a huge blessing. When I had the surgery to harvest the eggs, they got 6, which I think is more than ever before! 4 of them were fertilized the next day, which was also fabulous. The doctor himself called me on the day of the transfer, and said that two of the eggs were looking really good, so we put these guys in:

The embryologist even said they had grown since the picture! Yay! Here we are on transfer day:

We were super excited, and hoping for twins! We would find out in 2 weeks. About halfway through the two weeks, I started bleeding. Because of the experience we had last time, we thought everything would still be okay. Then, closer to the day to check, I started bleeding again. This time, I was not as hopeful. So, I was supposed to go get a blood test on Monday morning, and I had an extra home pregnancy test lying around. I was still bleeding on Sunday morning, but I decided to try it out. Here's what I got:

I was reassured, but still not completely hopeful, because I know that there HAS to be a false negative pregnancy test before the collection, because of the trigger shot. But I texted my nurse, and told her what I got, and she said that I was PREGNANT! Wa-hoo! I told my family. I got it confirmed on Monday. I told my really close friends. I was excited! But I was still bleeding . . .
I called the nurse of my OBGYN. She said that I should definitely redo the test on Wednesday, and let her know what I found. I asked my fertility nurse to redo the test, and she agreed that it needed to be redone again.
I carted my kids to the clinic for the blood test AGAIN. I keep telling them that I'm done, but it never happens. Anyway, that's when the bad news came. My HcG number was dropping. Fast. I had another test done last Friday. It's almost completely gone.

So, I was pregnant for 2-3 days. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this. I honestly do not know what we will do to try and have another child. I honestly do not know IF we will have another child. I am very sad. I am hopeful, but starting to get realistic. Sometimes those are opposites.

Prayers again!!

We are SOOOO blessed! Each time we have done in vitro, it has worked, and we have two beautiful children; one boy, and one girl! So, here we go! For the third time! Another round of IVF! This time, we are being as aggressive as possible, because we nearly didn't get Reagan last time. We are excited and nervous and every emotion wrapped in one! But we are asking for your prayers in our behalf! Thanks! We will keep you posted on what happens!
A HUGE sigh of relief happened last night . . . I talked to the nurse, and she said that we can make it so that all of my cycle can be done here in Idaho Falls. This is huge! Child care will be easier, and we won't have to travel or get a hotel or anything like that! Phew! And medicine is ordered, so it's getting REAL now!

Introducing Reagan Marie Rusch

Here is the story of Reagan's birth:
On December 10, we had an appointment with the OB/GYN.  Chris said beforehand that he hoped that the doctor would say that it was time to deliver her, but I was not that hopeful.  However, Dr. Leavitt observed that Reagan had dropped again (for the second time) and said that she could come any time.  He said that there was not any danger in inducing her before she let us know that she was ready to come, and frankly, I was ready to be done being pregnant!  We decided to induce her the next day, and he called the hospital to see when we should show up.  We were told to be at the hospital at 8 the next morning.  It is very nice to be able to plan for when your baby will arrive!  So I got everything packed, and we dropped Davis off with my parents the next morning. We went to the hospital and I was started on the IV, and not long after, was given the epidural, which helped me sleep (I was not able to do that the night before!)  At about 6:00, Dr. Leavitt came in and asked Chris if he wanted to put on a gown.  At around 6:30, Reagan was born.  She was delivered by her daddy, which was a lot of fun. Of course, he had help from the doctor!  One of the first things I heard about her was that she had a lot of hair!  We kind of expected that, because we both had a lot of hair when we were born, and so did Davis.  She cried as soon as she was born, but then just looked around in amazement at everything after that.  She was amazed with the world and amazed with what there was to see!

We are so glad to have Reagan in our home!  It took a lot of faith and prayers to get her here, and we are grateful for her sweet spirit!

Update on how I am doing with this baby
Breastfeeding--I tried for 12 days.  The nurses all assured me that it was not any problem with me, but she could not latch.  She was losing weight.  After 12 days of trying so hard, I threw in the towel.  I decided that being a mother to Davis and to Reagan is so much more important, and does not weigh on my ability to breastfeed.
Swaddling--I am not sure that she is always a fan, but it does help her to calm down quite a bit.  So yes, we are doing it, and yes, it is good.
Calmness--Having two babies is a lot busier than having one.  Duh.  But I have been able to do pretty well at managing the whole thing.  Davis likes Reagan, but seems to pretty much keep his distance from her, which at this point, is okay.  But they both do seem to need me at exactly the same time, which is sometimes hard!

Here are some family pictures that we had taken a few days after her birth:

Little girl's nursery

Well, less than two weeks until due date!  I finally have the finishing touches done on Reagan's nursery!

 This was a little project that I have had in mind for quite a while. . . probably since we found out that she is a girl!

Things that are different about this pregnancy than my last:

• Weight--I was much heavier starting the last pregnancy, so I gained more weight too.  On this one, I have not been as heavy, which is a very good thing.
• Jumpier legs--leg jumping has tormented me a lot during this pregnancy!
• Feeling the baby--because my placenta has been placed differently, I have felt her a lot more and a lot sooner than I felt Davis

Things I hope are different with this baby:

• Breastfeeding--I hope I am successfully able to breastfeed Reagan.
• Calmness--I feel like I am a lot better equipped with understanding of how babies work, and will be able to be a lot more calm with this one.
• Swaddling--It seems like a good idea.  Davis did not like the idea.  But I think I will be much more of an "assertive swaddler" with her.

We are pretty excited to have a new baby at our house!

Seeing the baby!

I went for a doctor's appointment today and got another ultrasound!  I love these!  It is so fun to hear a heartbeat and to see her little body moving around!  I could seriously listen to the heartbeat all day!

Here are the pictures:
Her chest cavity

 She is still a girl!

 Her sweet profile!

We are so excited to meet this girl in December!

It REALLY is a Girl!

Today, we had our "big" 20 week ultrasound.  Now, I have had an ultrasound every time I have gone to my doctor's office.  But this is the "official" one to make sure that all the body parts are in working order.  And they are.  I can't tell you how wonderful that is to know as a mother!  Here are the pictures we got:

 A few 3D images, with her hands in front of her face:

 And here they are, 2D style:

Our doctor says that she will probably weigh about the same as Davis, which was TINY!  He was 6 pounds 5 ounces.  Reagan is in the 29th percentile, which puts her at about the same weight.  Weird that I have such small babies!

Movie outtakes

There are several movies that I tried to shoot of Davis with his little announcement.  Here are some that didn't make the cut, but they are still pretty cute!

These were taken in the bathtub, because I figured the chances of being able to keep him in one place for the whole video was better:

It's all about the sex

Davis has an announcement to make:

We had an ultrasound last Wednesday and got a picture that looked like this:

The ultrasound tech said she was pretty sure it was a girl.  I showed the picture to my dad, and he says that it is a 90% possibility of it being a girl.

So, it looks like we are having a girl in December!

June

June is a great month in Idaho!  Here is Davis on the floor at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  I forget what he was doing.  Probably just being silly.

Then we decided to remodel our bonus/TV room.  More on that later.  But, while we were cleaning out the garage, Davis was checking out the hose.  It was squirting water into his mouth.  That is more fun that a little boy can handle.

He completely soaked himself, which resulted in a bath later.
I decided to finally bust out my maternity clothes, at 15 weeks.  Here is my 15 week picture.

So fun!
I went to Girls' Camp.  Here are some selfies that we took in the car before leaving.

It was VERY COLD at Girls' Camp.  I was not planning on it, but I left on Tuesday.  Then I went back for testimony meeting on Thursday night.  Chris came with me, which was very nice.



I also decided that Davis needed some new shoes, because his were DEAD.  I found out that he has grown TWO SIZES since Christmas!  He has certainly put a lot of love into these shoes.  I had to take a picture before I threw them away.  These are his first shoes that he actually wore, and he learned how to walk in them.

A sneak peek

So, I went to the doctor today.  He could not find a heartbeat, so he said that he would have me do an ultrasound.  He said that it is usually hard to find a heartbeat at 13 weeks, so I pretended not to be too worried.  I texted Chris.  He was a little worried too.  But, the ultrasound found a beautiful, healthy baby, who is right on target for his/her due date!  Yay!!  Here is a picture:

Chris thinks he can tell that it is a boy.  What do you think?

Baby Rusch

We got some more pictures of our baby today!  Everything is going well for him/her!  Less than an inch, with a good strong heartbeat!  The white cursor is over the head on both pictures.

Our sweet little blueberry

We went to Utah this past weekend.  We partly went because Chris had a conference for librarians in Utah.  We partly went because Davis and I could hang out with family members.  But we mostly went because we got to have an ultrasound of our little blueberry!

 We got a hotel room for the stay, and were lucky enough to receive a "complimentary upgrade" to a one-room suite.  It was super nice to be able to put Davis somewhere to go to sleep and close the door.  And then we turned out backs for 2 seconds and he found out that he could empty the wipe container.

At our house, we no longer use the toilet paper roll.  But at the hotel, the toilet paper holder is a great toy!

Here are the ultrasound pictures--some of them, at least!  They are not TOO exciting, because at almost 8 weeks, he or she is the size of a blueberry.  But we got to see/hear a heartbeat as well, which was very exciting!

The doctor was completely amazed that I am pregnant.  He was very excited for us!  I think he doesn't usually text people to tell them congratulations, but he definitely texted me!  He expressed gratitude for being involved in the miracle.  It has been quite the ride!

We love this baby already!